I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
