The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
