i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
