I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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