I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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