lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
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After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
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We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize