i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
