We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
