areolas are like halos for boobs.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
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