omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
