Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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