apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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