Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
