I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just googled if crying burns calories
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
