when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
