Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
