no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
