i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
my liver is dry heaving
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
