I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
