I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
