we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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