In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
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You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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