matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
