I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
