if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
