WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
