I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize