I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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