I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
