oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize