I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
