Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
