I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
