yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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