I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
this beer tastes like vomit already
im six kinds of drunk right now
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
