So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
