I smell stomach acid.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
