Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
