If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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