you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
