Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
