Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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