u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Life is so much better after having sex.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
