wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
