Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She needs sedatives and a leash
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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