Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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