she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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