i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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