1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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