...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
