They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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