I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
