I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
