What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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