trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
