Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
