just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
