Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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