just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
