hotel room ftw
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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