this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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