just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
