When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
