I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
