saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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