DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
