Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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