i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
