Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize