Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
