I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
