scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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