He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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