I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
that is very illegal...i love you.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
