Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
