So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
FUCK WHALES
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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