I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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