I think I won the penis lottery.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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