I hope my margaritas pass through security.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
