No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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