i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
