so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
