end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
