So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
