i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Still dying that you shit outside
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
