Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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