Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
